Until recently, this was me…
Each morning when I awake, I experience again a supreme pleasure – that of being Salvador Dali. – Salvador Dali
… with the small exception that my name’s Sarah, obviously. I have been fully, deliciously content with being me. Until, like I said, recently. With my mojo on hiatus, I have found myself having some rather dark days. My family has noticed and a few friends. I myself have been struggling to know what’s up.
Sure, Glenn was gone. That didn’t help. It’s grey and weirdly foggy all the time. That probably doesn’t help. But, truth be told, there is more to it than that. This morning – to boost my mood – I took to my garden. I raked up some final leaves and trimmed a few shrubs and walked circles around my front garden, burning the midnight oil far before it’s time. I thought through former dark patches – one major, a few minor and reminded myself of all the very real things I could do to push back the darkness.
What I realized while walking an invisible labyrinth was that I am having a supremely mortal moment. My first dark patch was after the loss of a pregnancy. Since then, I have lost a best friend, my dad, & my mom. And I’m 46. Halfway through (ish) my life. When the hell did that happen? To be this age and be the matriarch of your family is truly weird. And heavy.
I guess I am grieving. No more, no less. Just like millions of people worldwide. My situation is unique and the same all at the same time. It makes me feel isolated and connected, simultaneously. More than anything, it makes me daydream of blue skies and happy times – both past and future. I will climb out of this, sooner rather than later. And I will once again be galvanized into irritatingly positive posts. In the mean time, I will leave you with another Dali quote. This is where I’ve been and where I see myself shortly… Until next time, s. xo